Katie (chamomilecups) wrote,
Katie
chamomilecups

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this is where i say i've had enough

I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself,
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself,
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty

One good thing that's coming out of this is that I realize I am far less insecure than I give myself credit for. Yeah, I need reassurance a lot and that can get annoying, but I at least respect myself enough to get up every morning and make decisions that I'm proud of, decisions that will move me in a positive direction, decisions that I can look back at the end of the day and still feel like a kind, genuine person.

I don't really know how some people can live with themselves. I don't know how they find peace or listen to their names being said outloud. I know everyone has a different moral compass and judging based on my own will be a little off-kilter, but there are some things that you just have to be an complete idiot to not know are wrong. And people take these actions anyway, and they don't feel bad about it, or at least not bad enough. And they continue on with their days as if the patches they earned in boyscouts or girlscouts as kids define their character. They carry dictionaries with hundreds and hundreds of pages saying only a few words: I, me, my, sex.

And I want to believe in some kind of reciprocity. I want to believe in karma or the 3 fold law or ano ano. I want to believe that good people with honest hearts will be happy and all the hate or love in your heart comes back to you. But too often, I've seen in happen the other way around. Good things happening to bad people. Bad things happening to good people. Nice guys finish last. If you're too nice, you get taken advantage of. And it's everywhere! This is nothing distinct about new york. Look at all of America. Look at business. Look at wal* mart.

It seems like all you have to do to get ahead anymore is turn off your concience. Well, I refuse.
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