(no subject)

I have no idea what the future holds, and I can't control whether I fall down or get my heart broken, but I do know that this life is mine and this world is beautiful.

palm reading

I sat there on a slab of concrete in a concrete jungle with one of my favorite people on this planet, a close friend that I didn't see nearly enough. We breathed. We laughed. We smiled and stared through the trees and streetlamps and people, drunk and sober, who shared the night with us. We were floating in the clouds of New York City at 2 o'clock in the morning on a Thursday night in August. The air was fresh and we breathed it in, knowing both that is was a gift from god, and also that we were lucky for it. We soaked up the night and it nourished us, like water to a dry, hard sponge. We had a purpose again. More than ever, we were acutely aware of the very real possibility that we might not wake up the next morning. Even better, we knew that it was much more likely that we would. Our lives weren't perfect. We were in transition. I was fresh out of college and beaten down that all my hard work and hopes of changing the world didn't materialize the moment I walked across stage and received my Bachelor's degree. She had just quit a 9-5 job in the accounting industry to move 3,000 miles from everything and everyone she ever knew and loved. She was happy, and I was happy too. We are and always will be happy people, but she had a lot more figured out than I did at the time. We were in our twenties. We were in New York together. Some people live their whole lives wishing to come here just once. Some people see New York in their dreams. I'd had it just withing arm's length for my entire life, and I was neither better nor worse off for it. I had beautiful parents, beautiful brothers, and beautiful friends; that was that one and only thing that mattered.

We were not invincible under those skyscrapers, pizza shops, tattoo parlors, and dive bars of the lower east side; we were flesh and blood. We were human, we were connected to everything. We were perhaps two of the most vulnerable people on planet earth that night...but doesn't everyone think this way? We were not invincible, but we were safe. We were safe on the streets of the biggest, most beautiful, most progressive, dirtiest, most crime ridden, most cultural, most hated, and most loved city in the world. Neither of us knew what to make of the last forty five minutes, of the total stranger--Stephanie-- who had taken brief, fleeting glances at our palms, smiled comfortingly, and pulled out even those things that, for whatever reason, we kept hidden from even our closest confidants.

"I felt a very positive energy when you walked in," she said to us, and we believed her. And we believed she didn't say that to just anyone who came through the door.
  • Current Music
    band of horses

but everybody knows, it's all about the things that get stuck inside of your head

This summer, I'm going to actually be home (in Middletown)... the first, and maybe last summer in a very long time. I am thinking, if everything goes as planned:

-I move out of my apt on May 15th, Graduate May 17th
-Celebrate with a roadtrip/vacation to Florida with my roommates for a week
-I will probably be working for the YMCA day camp in Middletown
-In June, I will spend the weekends taking classed to get my TESOL/TEFL certification so I can go teach in South America in the fall.
-Volunteer as a literacy coach
-Volunteer for the Redcross
-Read in the sun a lot
-Spend time with family & friends

Things hardly ever go as expected, but these are the plans... and I believe that it's just good enough to have plans...whether they pan out or not, well, we can only control so much of that. The rest, I guess, is up to the stars. I look forward to seeing what the future holds and where the chips land. I look forward to seeing what is written.
  • Current Mood
    calm calm

(no subject)

i really hate college. they make it as hard as possible to make sure you can't graduate on time. wtf is that? they just want you to stay in as long as possible so they can make more money.

(no subject)

you have been a best friend since we met in seventh grade. we have been through so much together. i love you, don't ever forget that.
happy twenty first & i can't wait for all the good times to come. xoxooxoxo
  • Current Music

(no subject)

I heard about your regrets;
I heard that you were feeling sorry,
I heard from someone
that you wish you could
set things right between us.
Well I guess I should have
heard of that from you.

(no subject)

I hope someday somebody wants to hold you for 20 minutes straight
and that's all they do.

They don't pull away.
They don't look at your face.
They don't try to kiss you.

All they do is wrap you up in their arms
without an ounce of selfishness in it.
  • Current Music
    jack johnson lullaby